I’ve been trying to come up with a good post to close out 2014. I want to, in theory, write about the good and the bad, what I’ve accomplished, and what I plan to do in the new year—both online and off.
I don’t have it in me.
2014 has not been The Best Year Ever.
We’re lucky to have not gone through anything particularly trying or catastrophic this year—this is not lost on me. I am thankful for that and hopeful for another year of such good fortune. We did some fun family stuff, and this is the first year since Emme was born that I was lucid enough to experience some of that “joy” that comes with parenting—toddler parenting can be fun, yo.
But as a family, we struggled to get in a groove.
There were lots of reasons for this, but the main one was my husband’s schedule. In 2014, my husband worked nights, and while it seemed like that the schedule would be doable, we slogged through the year in a fog of sleep-deprived transactional exchanges. The “midnight shift” is not super conducive to things like communicating or spending quality time together, nor does it typically lend itself to good moods and a pleasant demeanor.
We were tired. We were transitioning. We were trying to figure about what was next.
I felt weighed down this year knowing it was time to make some tough decisions about my career—choices that were two years in the making, or maybe 10, depending on your perspective.
I started 2014 on the brink of a job offer that (luckily) didn’t pan out. I spent months looking for a new job—titles ranging from senior manager to director to assistant vice president—at non-profits and colleges around Chicago. I went through various stages of interviewing, wondering each time what I was doing.
I was relieved when I wasn’t chosen. I declined final interviews. I took myself out of the running. I finally admitted that I didn’t want to be there.
My 35th birthday in June hit me hard. I felt (feel?) older and lost. But it was time to stop floundering.
I started to think about what would be next, which is exciting and stressful and daunting and exhilarating and exhausting.
I started this blog and took on freelance projects while still working full time in marketing. It was a lot. It was too much at times, but it gave me the chance to prove I could do something else.
I haven’t been taking care of myself. I spent the year dragging myself out of bed, staying up too late on the computer, eating take out, and cutting a lot of corners. It was an unhealthy and backwards way to handle these changes and challenges.
I’m ready to move on from 2014, and I’m a big fan of clean slates and fresh starts.
My husband worked his last midnight shift on Monday. Tomorrow he goes back onto a day shift. By next week, my job situation should be resolved.
So that’s what I’m heading into 2015 with — resolve, rather than resolutions.
See you in the new year.